Athothis : a satire on modern medicine / by Thomas C. Minor.

of these modern professors is greater than their ability to cure disease. A little learning, pompous bearing, much pretense, and plenty of promise are all that is needed at the present day. You speak of the curious collections of instruments and other professional para- phernalia exhibited in the offices of these gentlemen. Know that the mass of humanity ever delighted in the mysterious, and that deception, when cleverly practiced, is usually pleasing. I am fully acquainted with the methods of the professors consulting here; they are merely following in the footsteps of Doctor Forman, Mantaccini, and the Count Cagliostro, all latter-day saints of Paracelsus. I once inhabited the body of a mouse in Cagliostro's house at Saint Petersburg, and saw him re- ceive fees as high as five thousand Louis d'ors. Under the first dynasty, physicians were content to slay afoot; now they slaughter in chariots with horses like Assyr- ian warriors. But let us listen to the consultation of these erudites." Even as he spoke, Doctor Billem re- marked : " It is my opinion, Doctor Killem, that our patient is suffering from neuralgia—lumbo-abdominalis. The direct cause of this outbreak is neurasthenia. I base my diagnosis in this case on the fact that his pains radiate over the region supplied by the ilio-hypogastric nerves. The transversalis muscle is badly affected; the ilio-inguinal nerves likewise involved. But, Pillem, I notice you shake your head in a manner indicating doubt as to the accuracy of my views. Come ! give a more ra- tional explanation if you can ! " Doctor Pillem cleared his throat, as though embarrassed, and answered: " Far be it from me to differ with Pro- fessor Billem, nor can I expect to discuss with you the delicate points of neurology involved in this exceedingly