Athothis : a satire on modern medicine / by Thomas C. Minor.

umns are likewise used for decorative purposes, and entrance the vision of his morbid patrons, who anxiously await their turns for medical consultation. Indeed, Billem's office is a veritable museum to the uninitiated, and the credulous public is impressed with a firm belief that he is one of the most learned men of the age. His library contains over seven thousand volumes in all lan- guages, including Hebrew, Greek, Latin, French, Span- ish, Portuguese, German, and English, and he is now studying Russian. He keeps six horses constantly em- ployed in carrying him around to visit patients. He never looks at a client's tongue for less than a ten dollar note, while an extra charge of five dollars is required if he soils his fingers by touching a pulse. His usual com- pensation for a written diagnosis is fifty dollars, and special consultations, as in this case, at least one hun- dred. He is greatly envied by his less fortunate profes- sional brothers, who are nevertheless forced to make a virtue of necessity and admit that he has a strong hold on the affections of the community, for in desperate cases people of wealth insist on having the celebrated Billem in consultation, and no fashionable death-bed is complete unless sanctified by his august presence. It is considered the thing in high-toned social circles to have the morning newspapers announce : ' Doctor Billem was consulting physician.' This suffices to convince the public that every thing possible was done to save the deceased; it also serves to protect the regular attending physician from unjust criticism on the part of relatives or jealous outside practitioners, for if Doctor Billem can not save life, who can ? " The smaller individual so wisely stroking his forehead with the index finger of his left hand is another fashion-