Athothis : a satire on modern medicine / by Thomas C. Minor.

be a valuable agent for the relief of pain; had I been called to see this sufferer I should have followed pre- cisely the same plan of treatment." Athothis appeared to be buried in deep thought for a few seconds, and then exclaimed : " So this is your much vaunted modern medical practice; in other words, you are still so-called rational empirics. Know, mortal, that I freely grant that one of the missions of a physician is to relieve pain; nevertheless, before rashly prescribing, you should determine the real cause of distress. In the case before us the diagnosis is perfectly clear. Observe the patient's stomach enormously distended with food, notice this horrible admixture of deviled crabs, stewed oysters, chicken salad, boiled tongue, broiled quail, claret, sherry, champagne, and brandy, completely filling the cavity of the organ. This undigested mass of food is the direct cause of irritation; remove the cause and you relieve the pain. A simple warm water emetic would have been the ancient Egyptian treatment for this case, and the patient would have promptly recovered. As it is, your learned medical men have administered opium in the form of morphine, and have most certainly calmed the sick man's pains. But look ! The entire digestive process is checked; the peristaltic action of the intestines has been quieted, and the very efforts that nature makes to relieve itself of a source of irritation are prevented by the action of the remedial agent. In a short time irritation of the stom- ach will produce sympathetic irritation in other organs; a violent fever might thus be induced, and the patient die. Now, if this man dies, it will be a serious question as to whether the remedy or the disease caused his first transmigration. You speak of morphine as though it were a new medicinal agent for relieving pain and producing